No thanks

my Mrs Norris/McGoggles-as-a-cat headcanon

ewoks:

• She met Mrs Norris on a dark and stormy night in Diagon Alley.
• The first time they made love was two weeks later when Mrs Norris brought her a dead mouse.
• The second time they made love, McGonagall professed her love to Mrs Norris and Mrs Norris said back, “Meow”
• McGonagall became an animagus for Mrs Norris (this wasn’t until after the third time they’d made love)
• McGonagall’s animagus markings were a symbol of their first meeting, when Mrs Norris tried to climb McGonagall like a tree and knocked off her glasses.
• McGonagall knew their love was quite scandalous so she told everyone she had fallen in love with a Muggle to throw off suspicion
• McGonagall got Filch a job at Hogwarts so they could be together forever
• But personally she thought Filch smelled like wet feet.
• Because he did kind of smell like wet feet.
• They were the real reason the Chamber opened in Harry’s second year. McGonagall and Mrs Norris used to meet in the Chamber of Secrets because the basilisk liked to watch and sometimes he’d ask to join them but he was never allowed because neither of them really liked phallic symbols.
• Thirteen years after Harry left Hogwarts, Mrs Norris was accidentally eaten by a centaur.
• McGonagall never got over it.
• She later had a child with a Sphynx and they named their child Norris Filch Fred Dumbledore Snape Harry’s Mom and George’s Left Ear
• On her death bed, McGonagall whispered only one word and that word was, “Meow.”