I had a pretty bad nightmare that I woke up from a little bit ago, because of my alarm.
Anyway, I feel like recording it here because of reasons and it might not be totally coherent but whatever, that’s not the point.
It was just a week into Winter Break (as in the previous one we just had) and I guess I had some foreign exchange student friends or something, because we were hanging out. It was apparently my hometown, because it felt like home, but it wasn’t structured like home. A pretty bad blizzard was starting to roll in, so I was helping them shop for food at a grocery store (which felt like Marsh but was definitely bigger and differently lit than Marsh). The thing is, my mom was there too, and I was pushing her around in a wheelchair. After shopping, we all went to my house and had a nice evening. As it started to get later, one of the guys (his name I do not recall) was rummaging through a drawer by the tv, and so I went up to him and I was like “Hey, stop. You don’t just go through people’s things, just tell me what you’re looking for, okay?” And he started to laugh a little and was like “yeah, sorry, anyway, I found it” and looked at the VCR and started to press buttons on it. I told him that it didn’t work, and hasn’t for some time (and this is very much true, I’m not sure why my stepdad still has it). He shrugged and said that was fine and put his phone into the tape slot, and I was like “WOAH what are you doing?!” Apparently it was a way to fix his phone or something, and he turned to me and said “hey, calm down. I’ve had a pretty bad semester, it’s okay.” This somehow irked me and I was like “yeah? You’ve had a pretty bad semester? At least your mom didn’t die” and as I completed the sentence, a really, really tough sentence to complete, it seemed as if time was slowing down. My hearing was freaking out and the world was becoming really distorted. I turned my head to the chair where my mom had been sitting and she slowly disappeared and I turned back to him, and it had turned out that my mom had never been with us that entire dream, even though I had witnessed her talking to them, pushed her around in a wheelchair, etc., because then the images of the night flashed through my eyes as they had actually happened, and I had just imagined her being there. I was about to say something to him when I started to break down crying and that’s when my alarm went off and I woke up.
I don’t know.
It hurt a lot.
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